Storm's End

By Richard Lawson

Akane examined the painting that adorned one of the walls of the small office. It was lovely, of a sunset over the ocean as seen from an orchard on a hill. She could lose herself in those trees, wandering for hours...

"Please tell me about yourself, Tendo Akane-san."

She kept looking at the painting, but she had lost her dream. That was annoying, but she couldn't hold the feeling for long. She couldn't hold any feeling for long. "Surely they told you about me, Sensei."

His deep voice spoke quietly, soothingly from across the room. "I want to hear it from you, Akane-san."

She sighed and turned to face him. He was a small man, with dark hair shot through with gray. His face was craggy. His eyes, though, seemed to stare right through her. They were dark, intelligent, appraising. Somehow, they seemed friendly as well. She wondered how he managed it all. None of the others had been able to.

She wandered over to the chair he had offered her. She leaned down and put her elbows on the chair's back, resting her head in her hands. "Well, I'm 18. I'm in my last year at Furinkan High. I live at home with my sister and my father."

Akane stopped and looked at the sensei without much interest. He continued to look at her, as if expecting her to tell him more. She watched his eyes for signs of impatience or anger. When he just looked at her, warmth somehow mixed with keen observation, she grimaced. What more did he want? "I have another sister. She's at college. My mother died many years ago." She floundered; what else was there to say?

His sonorous voice, so surprising from a small man, cut through her. "Tell me about your mother."

Akane's eyebrows shot up. "Is that all you people ever ask about?"

He managed a small, wry smile. "It's what they teach us in school. Humor me, please, Akane-san."

Akane licked her lips. She walked around the chair and sat down in it, her hands gripping the armrests. "Mother was warm and loving and beautiful. She always smiled, always listened, and was never angry."

"Do you miss her?"

The anger flared briefly. "Of course I miss her!" It melted away again. "Not as much as I used to. Kasumi took over, and she's almost as good as mother was. She helped me a lot after..." Akane bit her lip.

Sensei lifted his eyebrows slightly. "After...?"

Akane shook her head violently.

He looked at her for a moment, then picked up a date book. "I'd like to see you regularly. Shall we say...Wednesdays and Saturdays at this time?"

Akane tried to glare at him but couldn't. She didn't want to do this. She needed to do this. It wasn't as if she had a choice in the matter. She didn't have to like it, though. "Fine. May I go now, Sensei?"

He smiled and nodded. "I enjoyed meeting you Akane-san. I look forward to talking with you again on Saturday." He stood and bowed to her slightly.

She released her grip on the chair and flexed her hands to get some circulation restored. She bowed, picked up her school bag, and left.

Akane wandered home, taking her time. She looked up at the sky. Thankfully, it was clear. Barely a cloud to be seen. She always watched for the clouds.

She entered the house and took off her shoes. She padded down to the dining room. Kasumi was just setting the dishes. Kasumi looked up as she came in and smiled brightly. "Hello, Akane. Dinner is ready. Would you get Father?"

Akane looked at Kasumi closely. Kasumi must be curious about her afternoon meeting, but she was also going to let Akane talk about it when she was ready. Akane appreciated that tremendously. "Okay, older sister."

She turned and went to the porch. Father was sitting alone at his shogi board. He had the pieces set out, and was intently studying the position. Akane watched as he moved a piece, then turned the board around.

"Father." He started, then looked at her. His face assumed the frightened, guilty expression it almost always had when he first saw her. He had learned, recently, to quickly replace it with a happy face, but he could never hide his true feelings. Akane wished he was better at it. "Father, dinner is ready."

He stood immediately. "Good!" His eyes were bright with false cheer as he put his arm around her and led her back to the dining room.

They sat and ate dinner. Father was trying to probe her gently for details of her visit. She ignored him and concentrated on eating. It took effort, even now. It tasted bland, as it always had of late. Nothing wrong with Kasumi's cooking. Ranma loved her cooking, would always gulp it down as if there was no tomorrow. She would chastise him sometimes; he ate like a pig. Then again, so did his father; they had never learned manners. Ranma would just dig right in and shovel it into his mouth, reaching over her to grab the soy sauce, trying to reach her hand as the rain pelted her face...

"Baka!" She slammed her palm on the table, hard. Father jumped and Kasumi actually let out a little shriek. Akane looked around, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, please forgive me." She looked down at her half-completed dinner. She simply had no desire to finish it. She stood up and bowed. "I'm sorry," she said again, and went up to her room.

She sat at her desk and took out her homework. Homework was something she enjoyed. Her grades had been much better lately. She could lose herself in the texts and shut out the rest of the world. She plunged willingly into her calculus. Math wasn't as easy for her as it was to Nabiki, but she could do okay. It was so nice to just flow with the formulas, applying obscure trigonometric functions to obtuse equations; she could easily lose several hours in the math. Several hours spent not thinking about... other things.

Akane was interrupted by a knock on her open door. She turned to see Kasumi standing in the doorway. She was smiling, as usual, but her eyes were sad and questioning.

Akane looked longingly at her calculus book, but she couldn't deny Kasumi. She sighed deeply. "So... I'll be seeing the sensei Wednesdays and Saturdays after school." She suddenly realized - two days a week, for however many months - her eyes widened. "Can we afford that, Kasumi?"

"Hush, Akane. Of course we can." Kasumi came in and sat on the bed. "Do you like your sensei?"

Akane considered. "I don't know. They all pretend to be something they're not. Still, he seems better than the others. Friendlier. He's a good man." She was surprised to realize it was true. She did like him.

Kasumi let out a small sigh of relief. Akane glanced sharply at her. She couldn't maintain any annoyance, however. More than anyone, Kasumi had a right to be worried, and to feel relief that Akane was getting help. Kasumi had had the most difficult time over the past few months. Other than Akane herself, that is.

Akane unconsciously rubbed her stomach. Kasumi saw, and looked closely at her.

Akane was angry with herself. She shouldn't give Kasumi any reason to worry, especially after Kasumi had just started feeling better, too. "I'm fine, Kasumi. I really think the sensei will help me. Can I go back to my homework now?"

Kasumi nodded and smiled. She got up, went over to Akane, bent down, and gave her a hug. Akane felt mildly irritated at first, but she hugged her back, finding some of her own tension melting away. She was, as always, thankful to have Kasumi as her sister.

Kasumi left, and Akane considered the calculus text again. She didn't feel like doing anything with it right now. She went over to the window, opened it, and stared outside. Still no clouds. The stars shone brightly; she watched them for a while, thinking of her sister. Where would she be without Kasumi?

Kasumi's hands pressing against Akane's abdomen, trying to staunch the flow of blood. "Nabiki! Call an ambulance!" Kasumi's voice on the ragged edge of a scream, Akane trying to push her away...

Akane rubbed her stomach again as she stared at the night sky. Perhaps she would be better off.

***

Akane sat primly in the chair this time, her hands folded on her knee. She looked evenly at the sensei, in control. This was something she had learned from Nabiki. Not that Nabiki had meant to teach her this. Years of watching her sister hide her feelings from everyone had taught Akane to do the same.

Sensei was just watching her. Akane had expected him to be taking notes, as all of the others had. There wasn't a piece of paper to be found in front of him.

"How did you wind up in the hospital, Akane-san?" After the silence, his deep voice seemed to fill the room.

Akane remained still. "You know how, Sensei."

"Again, Akane-san, I want to hear you say it. Why were you in the hospital?"

Akane had to fight to keep her hands away from her stomach. "I..." She licked her lips. "I went into the dojo..."

Sensei waited. When her silence continued, he prodded her gently. "And..."

"And..." She drew a breath. "I had on my gi, and I went to the center of the dojo. I sat on the floor. I..."

Sensei cocked his head, then prompted, "You put the tanto in front of you?"

Akane nodded. "I waited a while. It seemed so right. It felt good. I picked up the blade. I bared it, and grabbed it with both hands."

"How long did you hold it?"

"Not long." Until the next thunderclap had sounded overhead. "Then I stabbed myself with it."

"How deeply did you thrust?"

"Pretty deep." She shuddered. She hadn't realized how much it would hurt. Every breath had moved things inside her, things that had pressed against the edge of the knife. She'd cried out. "I pulled out the knife quickly." The pain had only gotten worse.

"Who found you?"

"Kasumi." Even now, part of her regretted the lack of discipline that had allowed her to make so much noise. No one would have come in time otherwise. Kasumi had thrust open the door to the dojo and screamed. Somehow, her scream had hurt more than the knife had.

"They - Nabiki and Kasumi - they got me to the hospital very quickly. The doctors there patched me up good."

"I'm glad." She looked at him, surprised. He went on. "How long were you there?"

"A month in intensive care and recovery. Three months is the psychiatric ward." A lot of her life, wasted in those sterile halls.

Sensei looked at her for a long while. "I hear facts, Akane-san. I don't hear how it made you feel."

"Feel?" The anger, rising again. "I tried to kill myself! I no longer wanted to live! How do you think I felt?"

"Tell me."

She leaped to her feet, the anger making her heart race. "I wanted to die! I should have died, it should have been me!"

"Do you mean your suicide attempt should have succeeded?"

Akane flushed. "What else could I mean?"

His voice was gentle. "I don't know. Tell me."

She dropped back into the chair, her head in her hands, despair filling her. "Ranma..."

"Who is Ranma?"

"My fiancee..." She would not cry again. She would not.

"Tell me about him."

Still covering her face, she shook her head.

The silence stretched. Finally he spoke up. "Our time is done for today, Akane-san. Next time, I would like to know more about your fiancee."

She fumbled for her bag and fled the office.

***

Akane ran through the streets. She would not cry. She looked up at the sky and saw, to her alarm, that clouds were gathering. Please, not now.

She ran up to the front door of her house and stood for a moment, composing herself. She wanted her family to think everything was okay. Everything *was* okay.

She couldn't help looking at the gathering clouds. She bit her lip, and went inside.

Again, dinner was waiting for her. She finished dinner without incident, withstanding her father's curious glances. Kasumi chattered brightly, maintaining a monologue that was mostly ineffective at lifting the dark mood around the table.

Afterwards, she went to the dojo. She hadn't changed out of her school clothes, but she wasn't much in the mood for working out anyway. She needed to, she knew. She was going to inherit the dojo, after all. Tonight, though, her feelings were in too much turmoil.

Ranma reached out his hand, just as nervous as he had been after they had left Shinnosuke in the Higo Forest. Akane smiled and grabbed it. His face was comedic in the frightened expressions that crossed it, but it finally settled into a more or less content look. They were far enough away from the others that they couldn't be seen, which Akane knew was important to Ranma. He needed to be brought along slowly. Come to think of it, she probably wasn't up to any public displays of affection, either. She looked up at him, his muscular body glistening in the sunlight. She wondered if he would try to kiss her. She wondered if she would try to kiss him. That made her blush.

It began to rain outside the dojo. Akane leaned against the wall, drawing deep breaths. His body hadn't been glistening in the sun. She always tried to remember it that way, but it had been overcast, gray, and dull. Darkening, even.

Akane shook her head, fighting to keep the memories at bay. She needed to get out of here. She ran out of the dojo, into the house, and into her room. She fell on her bed, curled up, and remained there, sleeping only when exhaustion overtook her at dawn.

***

"My father and Ranma's father agreed that Ranma would marry one of Father's daughters. It was their intention that such a marriage would insure the continued survival of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts." Akane wondered where she had learned such a lecturing tone of voice. Probably from one of her teachers at school. Or one of the doctors at the hospital.

Sensei leaned forward. "Why were you chosen over your sisters?"

Akane considered. How to explain Ranma's curse? The fact that her sisters had forced her into the engagement, on the premise that since he was half a girl, and Akane hated boys, they were best suited for each other? It didn't fit, somehow, with what she thought Sensei was trying to accomplish. "Ranma and I are the same age. Besides, I was the best martial artist of us three. It seemed logical."

"Logical to whom?"

"Logical to my sisters. And to me." She lowered her eyes as she said this.

Sensei thought a while before moving on. "How did Ranma react to the engagement?"

Akane laughed. "He hated it as much as I did. He thought I was an uncute, unsexy tomboy. He told me that often enough."

"Do you believe that? Are you uncute?"

Akane thought about it for a long time. "For a while before Ranma moved in with us, I had twenty or thirty boys fighting me every morning because they wanted to go out with me."

This surprised the sensei. "Fighting you? Why would they fight you?"

Akane snorted. "Long story involving a very strange man in the class in front of mine. Anyway, having that many men fighting over you is quite a good ego booster. I was confident enough in my attractiveness not to let Ranma's opinion worry me." Her face softened. "Once in a while, he'd let his guard down, and he'd let me know what he really thought. Only a very few times, and..." She trailed off.

There was just a touch of excitement in Sensei's otherwise soothing voice. "And...?"

Akane shook her head very slightly. She didn't want to offend Sensei if she could. "Well, he thought I was cute. Making him admit that he'd said it afterwards was never easy."

"So what did you believe? That he found you unsexy, or that he thought you were cute?"

Tears started to flow from her eyes. No sobbing, no sniffling, just water streaming down her face. "He thought I'd died, once. He held my body in his arms and said how sorry he was that he'd never gotten a chance to tell me that he loved me."

Sensei's voice sounded a little doubtful. "That's not the same as telling you that he loved you. It sounds as if he had grounds for avoiding admitting his feelings to you."

Akane nodded violently. "Yes! That's exactly right. He denied saying it, he never said it. I mean, I knew that he felt it, and he knew that he couldn't really hide it, but he lacked the courage to actually say it. He was such a jerk, an idiot, he thought he had all the time in the world to say it, he never knew that time was running out, that he would leave me and he'd never get the chance to say it..." She was talking faster and louder as she went on. She ended by jumping up, her fists clenched at her sides, shouting up at the ceiling, "RANMA NO BAKA!"

She had nothing left inside her. She tried to collapse back into her chair, and nearly fell when she discovered the chair had been overturned when she'd jumped to her feet. She righted the chair, sat in it, and stared at Sensei, emotionally drained, her face wet.

Sensei was watching her carefully. They sat in silence for a long time, trying to gather their respective thoughts.

Finally, he spoke. "How are you feeling right now, Akane-san?"

Akane thought on that for a while. The answer surprised her a little. "Better. I feel a little better. It's as if I've been holding my breath for a while and finally let it out."

He seemed to relax a little at that. "Good, that's very good, Akane-san. You should not try to hold your feelings in, but instead let them out. It's not necessarily going to make you feel better immediately, but it takes less energy than shutting your emotions away. In the long run, it's healthier for you."

Akane hugged herself. "Oh, Sensei, it's scary. I don't want to feel these things. That's why I tried to kill myself, so I could stop feeling. It hurt too much to feel. I could control it sometimes, but whenever the rain came, the feelings would come back. Please, it took me so long to learn to shut them off, do I have to let them loose again? Won't I just end up killing myself?"

Sensei took a long time answering. "It seems almost trite to say this, but you won't ever be able to feel pleasure again if you don't feel pain. Akane the robot doesn't have much of a future in front of her. Akane the human being can look forward to a happy life, if she can get past her current crisis. That's why I am here. Trust me, Akane-san. We will get past this. I will help you to deal honestly with your pain, bring it out of hiding where it will eventually evaporate away. It will hurt for a while, of course. Let me help you learn how to accept the hurt without killing yourself."

He looked at her, his face earnest, his eyes appealing, his voice strong. "Do you trust me, Akane-san?"

She looked at him. She hardly knew him. Yet he was so different from the hospital doctors, who seemed to be following a script when dealing with her. He was listening, really listening, and had elicited responses from her she had never expected. She realized that some part of her, for some reason, did trust him. It felt good to trust someone besides Kasumi. "Yes, Sensei. I trust you."

He smiled, with genuine warmth as far as Akane could tell. She realized that trusting him meant trusting that his feelings were true, unlike the empty smiles she'd received at the hospital. "Good! Thank you, Akane-san. Our time is up for today. Next time, I would like to know why the rain would frighten you so."

She started; she hadn't realized that she'd revealed that about herself. He was very good, she was beginning to see that now.

She rose slowly and carefully straightened her school uniform, more to give herself time to compose herself than anything else. She bowed to Sensei and left. She wondered if she was going to tell him the truth about the rain. She realized that she was going to, and that scared her.

She walked home quickly, wanting to eat and start on her homework and not think about what had happened. She actually got home before dinner was ready, and had time to clean herself up a little bit, so that it wasn't obvious that she'd been crying.

She sat down at the dining table, looking at the two empty spots. "Weren't Auntie and Uncle Saotome coming over?" She still called them that, even though there was no longer going to be any family relationship between them.

Kasumi looked at her, and her smile dimmed a little. "Auntie called and said they wouldn't be able to make it tonight. She didn't say why."

Akane looked closely at Kasumi. She guessed that Kasumi knew why, and wasn't telling her. Akane guessed that they were too uncomfortable around her. They had moved out of the Tendo home shortly before Akane's suicide attempt, probably because Akane was a reminder of how much they had lost.

Akane sighed; she also made everyone uncomfortable with her mere presence. The kids at school all treated her as if she was dangerous and fragile, and no one ever raised their voice at her. For her part, she hadn't encouraged them to try to talk to her, and spent most of her lunches eating alone, unless there were clouds in the sky, in which case she ate in the classroom.

"Ranma, let's go for a walk down the beach." She was very nervous. She'd been planning this for days now, but the actual execution had taken lots of nerve. She used all of her strength to smile at him. "Let's take some lunch and make an expedition out of it."

Ranma had looked at her in alarm. "Um... you didn't make the lunches, did you?"

She grimaced, then stilled her face. She wasn't going to let his idiotic comments deter her. "No, Kasumi made lunch for everyone. I just took enough for you and me." She took a step closer to him, hoping he wouldn't hear how fast her heart was beating. "What do you say?"

Ranma gulped. He licked his lips and looked around, as if trying to find an escape. Akane resisted an urge to send him flying through the window. Finally, he looked back at her, and his face softened ever so slightly. "All right." His eyes immediately widened, as if he was surprised at his own acquiescence.

Akane pounced before he found an excuse to back out. "Come on, then." She whirled and ran to the door, grabbing a bag with their lunch in it. She stood there, waiting for him to come with her.

"Now?" He looked around. Their families were in the other room, watching a newscaster on television. "Shouldn't we tell them where we're going?"

"Why?" The last thing she wanted was for everyone to make a scene, Father in particular, although Ranma's mother wouldn't be far behind. "We can take care of ourselves."

"Okay." Ranma visibly gathered himself, then joined her as she headed out the door to the beach.

Akane shook herself, trying to keep the memories from continuing. If only she'd let Ranma tell everyone that they were leaving. They would have found out what everyone was watching on television. Her whole life would have been different.

One of the very few things she had learned at the hospital, however, was not to play games of "what-if". What had happened was what had happened, and no matter how hard you wished, it wasn't going to change. That had been difficult to accept. She'd come across so many magical potions and bizarre items, she expected someone to produce a mirror or something that would let her go back in time and change things. Nobody had. Shampoo, Mousse and Cologne had quietly packed up and gone pack to China. If anyone could have done something, it would have been Cologne.

Akane stared at her empty rice bowl, realizing she'd been holding it in front of her for some time now. She was beginning to lose her focus again. Memory was leading into memory; she was losing time in the process. This was frightening. More and more, she was beginning to behave like she had before the suicide attempt.

She put down her bowl and looked around. Kasumi and her father were watching her, not saying anything but clearly very worried. She gave them a wan smile and excused herself.

She went to her room and dived into her homework with a passion. Somehow, it didn't shut everything out like it had before. The walls were cracking. She wasn't sure what was going to happen when they finally broke down.

***

"Tell me about the rain, Akane-san."

Akane fidgeted on the chair. She'd been trying to prepare herself for the last three days, but it didn't seem to help now. She jumped up and went to the window. It was clear outside now.

"The forecast says there are storms on the way. They'll hit us on Monday." She always kept track of the long- and short-term forecasts. "They may be very bad."

"And do the storms remind you of your fiancee?"

Akane's chest tightened. She didn't want to remember this. "It was dark and gloomy when Ranma and I were walking down the beach. This was during our summer break, when our families went to the beach together. It was very windy, and there was a very light rain, mostly mist." Not enough to trigger Ranma's change. They'd been wearing rain jackets, and she had brought an umbrella for him as well. "The ocean waves were very high, and violent. We admired them." We were fools, she said to herself.

She remembered how her own nervous energy about being alone with Ranma, far away from the others, had blinded her to what was happening around her. She suspected the same had been true for Ranma. "We went a lot further than I had planned." They had kept walking, not talking much, the nervousness making them walk fast, even hand in hand. "Eventually the wind was so bad, the waves so high, we climbed up some rocks on a small cliff to get away from them." They had seen the signs which said "Private Property" and had ignored them. It seemed a small price to pay just to enter the small cove, somewhat protected from the increasing rain. Ranma had held the umbrella at various angles, but his change seemed inevitable, something neither one of them had really wanted to happen. "We found a pretty good place, with some rocks between us and the ocean, with enough room for us to eat lunch." But just barely; they had needed to get very close, their shoulders and legs touching each other, the lunch spread on their laps. The physical contact had been exciting for her. She had felt him trembling just a little, and she'd suspected it wasn't because of the wind.

"We ate our lunches and talked for a while." She had sensed that Ranma was trying to work up the nerve to kiss her. She'd felt a little scared, but also quite eager. In fact, a little impatient, to the point where she had considered initiating the act herself. "Eventually, we noticed how dark it had become, even though it was noon. And the surf was more and more violent, and the rain was coming down harder." Actually, what had made them take notice was a violent gust of wind that had brought enough rain into their protected place to finally turn Ranma female. That had brought to an end all thoughts of kissing. "We got up and looked at the sky. It was bleak, and darker clouds were coming. The rain was coming down, hard and almost vertical. We decided to go back."

She stopped. She'd been trying to find comfort in the clear skies outside the windows, but more and more the dark skies of her nightmares were superimposing themselves onto reality. She closed her eyes and turned around. She opened them to look at Sensei, who was still sitting in his chair, his face thoughtful, warm, and calm all at once. He had great expressions; she was coming to love that about him.

She moved back to her chair and sat down, leaning forward, her hands in her lap. "It was too late, we waited too long." Her courage was leaving her. She'd used up too much to get this far. She couldn't continue.

He looked at her for several minutes, waiting for her to go on. Finally, she had to shake her head to let him know this was as far as she could go. He'd sighed, not impatiently but regretfully. He leaned forward himself. "What was it that you had waited too long for?"

She blinked; what an odd question. She chewed her lip for a while, and finally was able to force out, "He died." That was absolutely it. She had no more strength left.

He tilted his head and watched her for another minute. Finally, he glanced at the clock. "We have not used up all of our time, but I don't see what more we can accomplish today. I will charge you for only half the time. We are getting closer, Akane-san, but not in the way you think."

Akane was surprised. Surely the point of this exercise was to get her to talk about how Ranma had died. "What do you mean, Sensei? Closer to what?"

He smiled at her. "Next time, Akane-san. Think on it and see if you can tell me when next we meet."

She sighed and made her exit. He was building up to something. She couldn't figure out what it might be. It was coming, she could sense it on the horizon. She just hoped she would survive it.

***

Akane sat in her room, hugging a pillow. The storm was just as bad as they had predicted. She could hear it outside, the wind blowing, the rain pelting the window. Just a storm. A bad storm for certain. The forecasters had taken great pains to assure everyone that it wasn't a typhoon, nothing like what had struck the Japan coast a few months ago.

Akane began rocking herself. She hadn't acted like this since the hospital. Whenever she had, someone had come and given her some medication to make her stop. She could almost wish for it again. It had taken away her ability to feel anything. That would be an advantage right now.

She gathered her courage, stopped rocking, and put down the pillow. She glanced at the calendar; two days until she saw Sensei again. She wished he was here now. She sat at her desk, opened her drawer, and put his business card in the center of the desktop. He had an emergency phone number written on it. He had encouraged her to call him if she felt the need. She had thanked him, anticipating that she would never use it. She wanted to now.

It wouldn't be polite to bother him. She could handle this. It was just a storm. She could hold on for two more days.

She looked around her room. Her eyes fell on the framed picture she had on the wall over her bed, of her, Ranma, and lots of other people at the beach. It was a Christmas present from Ranma. She went over to it and studied it for a long time. She longed to go back to that time, when everything seemed so carefree, when her only worry had been to keep Ranma from making too big an idiot out of himself.

She felt her eyes begin to water. She wouldn't mind if he made an idiot out of himself daily, if only he would come back to her.

His face was tiny in the picture. She had to strain to make out its details. That scared her; she was beginning to forget what he looked like. She looked around, but she knew she didn't have any other pictures of him. There was one in his shrine, at the Saotome home. She could go see that.

Her mind made up, she picked up the phone in her room. Surely they wouldn't mind.

Uncle Saotome answered. "Hello?" His voice sounded strangely hopeful.

She tried to force some cheerfulness into her voice. "Uncle Saotome! This is Akane. Good evening."

"Oh, good evening, Akane." There were traces of disappointment in his voice. "What can I do for you?"

She frowned; that was a little abrupt. Still, he was a gruff man, more so after his son's death. "I was wondering..." This was an awkward question. "I wanted to visit Ranma's shrine. Tonight, please, if I could."

There was a long silence on the other end. She began to feel desperate. "Please, Uncle, it would help me a lot. I... I really feel a need to see him tonight."

She could hear him swallow. "His mother has his shrine."

Akane's eyebrows drew together. Of course his mother did. What did he mean? "Could I see it?"

She heard him sigh. "Nodoka and I are getting a divorce. She moved out of the house and took the shrine with her. She didn't tell me where she's staying. I am very sorry."

Akane dropped the phone. No. Oh please no. She leaned over her desk, her hands pressed flat on the surface. She couldn't breathe.

Not them, not his mother and father, please. Not them too.

She was trembling violently. Her chest was tight, her heart being squeezed. She felt her mind slipping. The pain was coming through in horrible waves, crashing over her, drowning her.

Without conscious thought, she was outside in the rain, struggling to put on her coat. The wind shoved at her, the rain pelted her face. She ran blindly through it.

Ranma shook herself, obviously annoyed at being turned female. She looked at Akane and grimaced. "We'd better go back, Akane. They'll be worried about us."

Akane nodded and gathered their things. It was difficult, since the wind was picking up, even in the relatively sheltered area they had found. She got everything in the bag at last, and turned to follow Ranma back down to the beach.

Ranma was looking down the small distance to the beach, a grim look on her face. Akane looked over her shoulder.

The beach was gone.

It its place, the ocean had risen, the winds blowing the waves violently against the rocks of the small cliff. Protected as they had been from the storm, they had also not seen the storm tide rising.

Akane and Ranma looked at each other. Ranma spoke quietly. "We're in a lot of trouble."

They both looked up. The cliff continued up for another ten meters or so. Not so great a distance to climb. Akane grimaced; not so great when the sun was out, the wind calm, and the rocks dry. Not so great when to fall didn't mean you fell between the pounding ocean and the unforgiving rocks.

They looked at each other again. Ranma sounded very grim. "We don't have much of a choice. I don't think we can stay here."

Akane nodded; the wind was getting worse, and she could already feel the spray of some of the waves as they crashed against the cliff. It wouldn't be long before the water covered this ledge. She looked regretfully at the bag. She would have to leave it behind.

Akane examined the cliff closely. There seemed to be easy handholds all the way up. She plotted a course and pointed it out to Ranma. She nodded. "Okay, Akane, you go first. I'll follow right behind you."

Akane looked at Ranma for a moment, feeling like she should say something. Her courage failed her, though, and instead she went to the cliff face and grabbed a handhold. She set her feet and lifted herself up.

Outside the protection of their ledge, the wind beat on her in earnest. She cried out. It felt like a living thing, something that wanted to pull her off the cliff. She took a couple of deep breaths and lifted herself up again.

It was a painstaking process. She would set her feet, reach up and grab something, lift a leg, find a foothold, push herself up, find another place to set her other foot, move her other hand. The cliff offered plentiful places to put a foot or hand. It was the wind that made it difficult, filling every space between her and the cliff and exerting remarkable force.

Akane moved slowly upwards, making slow but steady progress. The wind was an incredible thing, becoming stronger than she could have ever imagined. Every time she lifted herself up, she had to fight to make sure the wind didn't blow her completely off the face of the cliff. And it was still getting stronger.

After an incredibly long period of time, Akane looked up to see grass right above her. This was going to be difficult. The grass wasn't going to provide as solid a handhold as the rock face had. She reached up and felt along the clifftop. She didn't feel anything besides grass. She dug her fingers into the soil, then moved her foot up. Finding a good, solid foothold, she pushed up.

She nearly lost it. Lifting part of her torso up over the top of the cliff exposed her to the full force of the wind. It pushed her back, and her hand slipped in the grass. For a sickening moment, she was sure she was dead. The wind suddenly turned into an unexpected ally, changing direction to push her towards the clifftop. She reached her other hand up and dug it into the grass. Pawing with her hands and practically jumping with her feet, she managed to bring her whole body over the top of the cliff.

She had no time to be grateful. Still lying on the grass, she turned herself so that her head and shoulders were over the top of the cliff. She looked down at Ranma. Ranma was still about two meters from the cliff top. As she tried to lift herself up the cliff, Akane immediately saw her problem. She was smaller than Akane in this form, and lighter as well. The wind that was dangerous to Akane was deadly to Ranma. Ranma had to move shorter distances up the cliff to compensate. Her face was filled with determination, but Akane could see the fear as well.

Akane's mind raced for an answer. None of Ranma's special techniques would be particularly effective now. Ryoga's Breaking Point might have been helpful down on the ledge; they might have just burrowed their way up. If they hadn't just brought the cliff down on their heads in the process.

Akane looked quickly around. There was a house some hundred meters away. She might be able to run there, grab some rope, come back, and lower it to Ranma. Akane felt the wind racing along her body, though, and knew that she didn't nearly have enough time, even if she could find rope quickly. The issue would be decided long before then.

Akane looked down at Ranma and felt her chest tighten. Ranma was no longer moving; she was just gripping the rocks in an effort to hang on. Akane reached her arm down as far as she dared, but she was still a good meter from Ranma's nearest hand. "Ranma!" She couldn't even hear herself. Maybe it was a coincidence, put Ranma looked up. Their eyes met, and Akane saw fear in Ranma... and even worse, resignation.

"Ranma! Reach up! Just climb a little farther, you can do it!" Akane still couldn't make out her own words in the wind and rain, but Ranma seemed to understand. She moved her foot, found a foothold. She lifted herself up, and for a moment the wind grabbed her. It pushed her to the side, so that she had to quickly find new handholds. She lost a couple of decimeters in the process.

Akane edged herself over so that she was directly above Ranma again. She strained herself, but Ranma was still a meter away, perhaps a little less. Ranma looked up again, her face no longer showing fear, but rather sadness.

"Don't give up, Ranma!" Akane reached down further, letting more of herself hang over the edge. For a moment she lost her balance, and had to quickly pull her hands up to keep from falling over.

Ranma saw this, and shouted something at Akane. Akane couldn't make it out, but she could guess that Ranma was telling her to move back from the edge. There was simply no way Akane was going to leave this cliff without Ranma. Settling herself as best she could, Akane reached out her hand again.

Ranma sighed. She looked down and seemed to mumble a prayer. She looked up at Akane, and shouted something, very loudly. Akane still couldn't hear her. Akane shook her head and strained her fingers, trying to reach as close as she could to Ranma.

Ranma looked up at Akane and smiled. It was a simple smile, and she looked happy. She said something, not shouting, simply saying it. Then Ranma braced herself against the rock face, bent her knees as much as she could, and jumped up.

It might have worked from a ledge, but against the rock face, Ranma had pushed out as much as up. Ranma strained to try and grab Akane's outstretched hand, but her own momentum carried her away from the cliff. Then the wind grabbed her and flung her viciously down out of Akane's sight.

Akane's mouth hung open. This was not possible. Ranma couldn't die. He'd faced death so many times before, and he'd always won. He'd always found a way to exploit the enemy's weakness, to use the slimmest hope to achieve victory. It was simply a fact, Ranma could not be killed.

Unbidden to her mind came the thought that, in the fury of the storm, Ranma had finally found an enemy with no weaknesses.

Akane shifted herself along the edge of the cliff, trying to get a view of the ocean below. It was possible that the tide had risen enough that Ranma had merely fallen into the ocean. He - she - was an excellent swimmer, and if she could escape the rocks, she might be able to swim to a safe beach.

Akane tried so see through the gloom of the storm and the sheets of rain. She thought she saw something moving in the waves. She watched that area of the water and saw it. It was Ranma. With black hair. Male.

She watched as Ranma's body submerged once more into the ocean.

Akane ran through the streets of Nerima, the cold rain of the storm mixing with her hot tears. He couldn't be gone. He was gone, buried. They had found Akane after the typhoon had passed, still lying on the cliff, suffering from exposure. They'd found Ranma much later, well down the coast. They hadn't let her see his body.

She sobbed. She'd never known what he had said to her, his last words on the cliff. Ranma couldn't be gone. If he was still here, his parents wouldn't be getting divorced. He had to come back, he had to make things better.

She found a railway overpass. She ran across it, stopping in the middle. She shouted Ranma's name to the wind and rain. Surely his spirit was there, would come back to her. Nothing answered her.

She looked up at the high fence that ran along the overpass. It would be easy to climb. Or better yet, she could just attack it until it collapsed. Then she could jump. It had to be ten or fifteen meters to the ground. Surely that was fatal. Maybe she should wait for a train to come. Then she could join Ranma.

She stared at the ground far below, shivering uncontrollably. Why was she hesitating? Here was the simple answer to all her problems. The end of pain, the reunion with Ranma. All this could be hers within a minute or so. What was she afraid of?

She ran her fingers through her hair, only then realizing that she had something clutched in her hand. Looking, she found her sensei's business card, a little worse for the wear for being crumpled in her hand during a storm, but still legible.

She stared at it for a long minute, trying to remember picking it up from the desk. She must have done so for a reason. And maybe she should listen to the part of her that had taken it with her.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, she left the overpass to find a telephone booth.

***

For the first time, Sensei looked unruffled. His hair was messy, his clothes rumpled, his expression slightly tense. The sight of her waiting outside his office had brought him obvious relief. They sat in their usual places, Akane still wearing her coat, dripping water over everything, not caring.

His voice was as soothing as ever, seemingly ignoring the state of the rest of his body. "Akane-san, what happened?"

She looked down, ashamed. "I nearly killed myself again tonight."

He looked briefly out the window. "Was it because of the storm?"

Akane looked out the window herself, watching it rage. "I don't know. Partly."

"Why?"

"It just... reminds me. Reminds me that Ranma's dead because of me."

His voice sharpened a little. "Surely they told you in the hospital that you cannot be blamed for that. As well blame the leaf that fell in America that caused the typhoon."

Akane let out an impatient breath. "I know, I know. I understand, things like that, you can't assign blame. I believe it, I really do. It's just that, sometimes, I forget."

"And what times are those, Akane-san?"

She frowned, trying to remember, trying to tie a pattern together. "I don't know. Just sometimes."

"What made you forget tonight?"

She had to sift through the events of the night. They were so intermixed with her memories of Ranma's death, it was hard to separate them. Finally, she remembered. "I learned tonight that Ranma's mother and father are getting divorced."

"Ah." He seemed to understand, which was curious, since she didn't understand herself.

She shot him a hard glance. "You know something. Explain it to me."

"Akane-san, you have explained it to me. Why would the knowledge of his parent's divorce affect you so deeply?"

"Because..." She realized she wasn't sure. "Because they wouldn't be getting divorced if Ranma was still alive."

"You can't know that for sure, Akane-san. What else?"

"I don't know!" She was desperate, pleading. "Tell me, Sensei!"

"You must find your own answers, Akane-san. I can only guide you. Why would the knowledge of the divorce upset you?"

She drew a deep breath and closed her eyes. She tried to remember how she had felt. Uncle Saotome, sounding hopeful then disappointed. Tonelessly telling her of his divorce. The end of their marriage. The end of their love.

Her eyes opened wide. "They aren't in love anymore."

His eyes crinkled. "Close, very close. How does the end of their love affect you?"

She looked down at her hands. She spoke in almost a whisper. "I was in love. I still am in love. But I won't ever know his love again. Just like his parents will never know love again."

His voice was patient, prodding. "Again, close, Akane-san. Why does the knowledge that Ranma will never show you love again bother you?"

She touched the knot of anger inside her, probing for its source. "Because he never told me. Never admitted that he loved me. Never kissed me, never publicly accepted our engagement. We were so close." She felt the anger rising, and her despair with it. "But it never happened, and it never will happen, because he didn't have the courage."

His voice sounded a little sad. "Ah, Akane-san, you are deceiving yourself. The answer you seek is there, the source of all your pain. Try again to find it."

This surprised her; she was sure she had found the answer. She looked up at Sensei, at his almost smiling lips, his warm and understanding eyes, his expression that somehow was a gentle command to be completely honest. Something snapped inside her, causing her almost physical pain. No one else could have done it, not even Kasumi. He got through to her. Her walls crumbled at last, and the truth was laid bare.

Her lower lip began to tremble. "It's not him I'm mad at. It's me. I was the one who never found the courage to say how I felt. I never said that I loved him. I had a whole year to tell him, but I didn't, and I waited too long. Now he's gone forever, and he never knew how much I loved him."

Relief and gratitude colored his features. He nodded in agreement. "And you haven't forgiven yourself for this yet, have you?"

Akane started to cry. She couldn't help it, and realized that she didn't want to stop herself. She covered her face with her hands and her whole body shook with the force of her sobs. After a moment, she felt Sensei put a hand on her back, and she reached out and clutched him to her, crying into his chest. He gently patted her hair, and quietly encouraged her to let it all out.

It did all come out, sooner than she expected. She stopped sobbing, then crying. She was still sniffling, and she lifted herself away from Sensei. He offered her a handkerchief, which she used to clean herself up.

She looked at him, trying to express her gratitude. "Thank you, Sensei." The words didn't seem enough.

He seemed to understand, as always. He bowed his head slightly, then spoke. "Now, let me give you something to consider, which I hope you will believe to be true. Ranma knew that you loved him. Love does not have to be spoken to be felt and acknowledged by both people. I have witnessed the depths of your feelings, and they are strong, indeed. You simply cannot hide how you feel, which is good and healthy. Ranma knew, and if the depths of your feelings for each other triggered defense mechanisms that attempted to blunt the force of your emotions, those mechanisms could not succeed in hiding how much you loved each other."

Akane didn't know how to take it. It sounded good, it sounded right. She took his words and filed them for future consideration. She was sorely tempted to accept them as the truth. She hoped she could.

She looked at Sensei again, and somehow knew that, with his help, she would come to believe them.

***

Akane entered the house, shaking off her coat as much as possible. She had walked slowly through the diminishing storm, hardly noticing it. She had a lot to think about.

Kasumi practically ran to the foyer, her face filled with anxiety that was only partially replaced with relief. "Akane! Thank heavens you're home! I was so worried about you."

Akane smiled at her, not a phony smile meant to placate her, but a genuine smile full of warmth. "Thank you, Kasumi. It has helped me more than you can imagine to know that you will always be looking out for me. I had a bad moment tonight, but I talked with Sensei for a while, and he got me through it."

She walked over to Kasumi and cupped Kasumi's face with her hands. "You don't have to worry about me anymore, Kasumi, I promise. There will never again be a repeat of the incident in the dojo. I'm not saying that all my problems are solved, not by a long shot. But thanks partially to you, I'm over the worst of it."

Kasumi studied her for a long while. Akane felt relaxed; not exactly happy, but no longer tense or unfeeling. Kasumi seemed to sense this, and finally smiled back at Akane. "Oh, Akane-chan, that makes me so happy." They hugged for a while, finding a release in their embrace.

Akane disentangled herself, smiled one last time at Kasumi, and went upstairs.

She got out her calculus book and turned to the page of her problem set. This promised to be a long night of working out integrals, which used to please her. Now it was a chore again. Akane took that as a good sign.

Before beginning, she looked one last time out at the storm. It was at its end, the rain fading away. When morning came, it would be beautiful. Akane grabbed her alarm clock and set it so that she could watch the sunrise.

She knew that, in the dawn's warm embrace, she would find Ranma again.

With a slight smile on her lips, she began her homework.

AUTHOR'S AFTERWORD

Those of who how have seen the movie "Ordinary People" might have noticed a remarkable similarity between this story and that movie. I will freely admit I basically took that plot and put Ranma characters in it. I think the story stands on its own, but I am open to charges of plagarism. ^_^ If you haven't seen "Ordinary People", I suggest you find a loved one, rent the movie, and watch it! It's great.

Comments and criticism welcome!

[email protected]

Home Fanfics